Quaran-Tina

My friends made a bet with me
I lost and suddenly
I’m on eHarmony

They made an account for me
The perfect girl to seek
None were good enough for me-yet

Then I found her, she was twenty-three
She was a ballerina
She lived in Argentina

She went by the name Christina
Was a beauty queen
Her profile was squeaky clean-yeah

Chris-ti-na
I can’t wait to meet ya
Chris-ti-na
One day I swear I’m gonna see ya

She wanted to fly out to see me
Couldn’t wait to meet me
I sent her cash to pay the fee-yeah

She would need a little more dinero
Had some more to spare-o
We’re planning out our lives to share-oh

Her picture looks just like Beyoncé
Finally a girl who wants me
My more than 90-day fiancée

We could make the perfect team
My South American dream
Couldn’t be a catfish scheme-no-oh

Chris-ti-na
I just can’t wait to meet ya
Chris-ti-na
Book the flight so I can see ya

I sent her mucho mucho money
It was for my honey
Did I mention she’s a Playboy bunny?

My friends, they did not believe me
Said the situation’s creepy
But finally she came to see me

Picked her up she looked a little older
Wider than her picture sold her
But beauty’s eye is the beholder

Got her just before the travel ban hit
The timing’s perfect
We’re quarantined in my apartment

Quaran-Ti-na
I really couldn’t wait to see ya
Quaran-Ti-na
Now there’s all this time for you and me-ahh

She has a belt with a lock and key
Practices chastity
Saving herself just for me-I know

Says she doesn’t want a prenup
Cause our love was built on real trust
She says “Baby, isn’t that enough? oh-oh

Says she won’t be like other wives
She collects hunting knives
And she doesn’t value life...much

Said she had a sur-prise for us
She picked up the coronavirus
So we can share that bond between us

Quaran-Ti-na
I wish there was a way to leave ya
Quaran-Ti-na
I’m living out my days in fear-oh no

Played a game of Monopoly
We had a disagreement
She tried to claim that I was cheating

Then she threatened to give me a beating
Leave me in the bedroom bleeding
Maybe she is not the one for me-no no

This relationship is killing me
When I say killing me
She might kill me literally-oh no

Said she was going out for groceries
She went on a killing spree
Kinda glad it wasn’t me though

Quaran-Ti-na
I thought that this would be a dream
Quran-Ti-na
But it turned into a nightmare scene
Quaran-Ti-na
Some things aren’t always what they seem
Quran-Ti-na
I blame my friends and eHarmony-oh yeah